One of my Songs: Bitter

Bitter, feels so good and yet tastes so, Bitter.
Swallowing down your unhappiness
Living today with all of your regrets
Oh, so bitter.


Oh so Sour, It's your last hour
Lived too long Living in your misery
You're Bitter, way too sour
Never Smiling
Oh So Sour!


Living afraid all the day!
Trying to take back all the mistakes that you've made.
Laughing, I know you're faking it!
I see the hate that fills you in your eyes.


Faking, oh you make me believe
Sunshine on my face is no fantasy.
Today I might survive all the pain.
But you're faking


Oh so Sour, maybe my last Hour.
I've lived too long living in your misery.
Cause you're bitter, way too sour
Always hated me
Oh so Sour!


Living afraid everyday!
Trying to run from the pain of yesterday
Shaking, hating what I have to do!
Knowing I can'tlive while I'm near you...


Bitter, like a lemon on my tongue, so bitter
Draining away the joy life has to share
Waling slower, weighed down in your emptyness...
Oh
So
Bitter.....










this is about abuse, whether it be in a dating relationship, family relationship or something else. I wrote this from reading biographies, blogs and hearing stories about abuse, not from my own life, I'm very blessed to have a great family and great relationships.

SORRY!

It's been crazy chaotic here on planet Me! I have some new stuff that I'm gonna post soon but if you can keep on forwarding this link I'd really appreciate it :) :)
TTFN!
with love, your chaotic artist :) <3

FEAR

Of losing all that you have had so far

Of gaining back all the hatred you felt

Of the unknown

Of never being loved

FEAR

Of losing what you love

Of not knowing who you'll become

Of forgetting why you live like this

Of living the way you want to live

FEAR

Of past regrets

Of making mistakes

Of being the odd man out

Of not being good enough.

Saviour > FEAR

Does Anyone Else Think This Way?

I think in colors, emotions and ideas. Bitter for me is separated into 3 different sections, Good Bitter like Coffee, Bad Bitter like Lemons, and Sour like Sour Patch Kids candy.
Good Bitter is like a velvety black-brown with orange and turquoise spikes through it.
Bad Bitter is a neon green circle with yellow and brown darts coming and pricking your tongue.
Sour is very sketchy a fast circles in black and bright blue and orange and pink then it smooths into waves that tickle your tastebuds.
For most people when I try to describe this they don't always get it and I end up sounding like some babbling lunatic. But this makes more sense to me than a lot of explinations.

Happy Days

Come and gone so fast,
Never really seem to last.
These Happy days I dreamed in nights past
Come and gone like a river full blast.

Gone were those happy days.

Come again, sing soft my heart
Sing your melody strong.
Come and bind your wounds with words
And heal your hurting self.

Come again shall the happy days.

Come in and out with no why or wherefore
Always so different than any to come before
For every day a song that opens a new door
Come in and bring with you one happy day or more.

Sing in The Rain

Even though it's pouring down
Even though it feels like the world is crashing down


Just stop and sing in the rain, let the raindrops wash your fears away
Just stop and stare at the rain, let your tears be brushed away


Don't let the hate of being alone make you keep your eyes down on the ground
Don't let your heart fail you just because you feel like the world has left you alone


Just stop and breathe in the rain, let the thunder roll away the pain
Just stop and scream in the rain, let the lightning burn the hate away


Forget the past and all that you've done
Forget the lies and live your life for one


Just stop and live for the rain, let your heart heal the bruises
Just wait for the storm to stop, let the tidal wave wash over the rest of the world.

I think the comments dissapeared...

Some of you all commented on my posts, I think I accidentally deleted them.... LOL. So if you want me to post them again, just re-write the comment on whatever it was and I'll be sure to post it with a really big apology XD This is what happens when you deprive me of sleep haha :) Oh well, I'll just get some extra strong coffee :) ah, sweet lifeblood, mine Achilles heel :) Or rather Achilles tastebuds...

Palabras

(Palabras means Words in spanish)
I know how to talk, I know all my letters, I have a big mouth and I know how to use it.
I've learned to hold my peace, learned the hard meaning of silence, lost this voice many times and have still kept on writing.
All these words mean something, until they're used too much. Then the cease to matter at all. Until someone really needs them.

Do the syllables of our soliloquies mean anything more than filling empty air?

About Me :)

I LIVE for colors, if they're bright, bold, used creatively and, well, colorful, I'm in. I also love the whole minimalist thing where there's only black, white and gray because that's always an open invitiation for some really bright funkiness :) lol.
I also love music. Except rap, it's not my favorite but if you don't stop bugging me about it I'll consider listening to it. Note the CONSIDER.
I have two dogs that are utter morons and two cats that are totally insane and plan my demise because I make videos and take pictures of how weird they are.
I have enough crazy friends to go to the moon and make a colony with (if you add in their families you have enough people to take over every Taco Bell from here to Anchoridge, Alaska. And you'd get much better service I must add) These are the kind of friends that you always feel the need to kick in the ankle to remind them that there are young people about whenever you go out in public but I love them to death! <3 <3 <3
I'm a total art freak, I can go on and on for hours about how Edgar Degas used a broader brush to make the building blocks of his paintings then would go back and use a finer brush to create details. I would go on but I have a feeling I'd kill someone via boredom. Yet, (here's where my mom starts shaking her head and laughing, saying that I'm a conundrum) I adore science. Biology, Chemistry, Anatomy, anything, I devour the textbooks that I get from the libraries.
Oh, now might be a good time to mention that I'm homeschooled! I go to this thing called a co-op on mondays and fridays. Monday is where I get my Art, English, Science and Drama classes. And Friday I have a Fencing class, help with a soccer class (so cute) and a Chorus/"Glee Club" class. I also love singing. :) That's all I can think of, TTFN.

Fearful

I see red paint on my hands. Not a big shock, I use red paint a lot because it adds vibrancy and heat to a painting. But this paint didn't look right, it was too dark.... It was too thin. I gagged, it was blood. To escape the feeling of sickness I looked up, I saw nothing but black. But somehow I saw a flashlight next to me. I picked it up, clicked it on, and sweeped it around the room. I saw blank walls, they weren't white, or any other bland color, they were just there. I looked towards the floor, nothing special, just a floor... But then why did I feel a sense of impending doom? I looked around the entire room once more, and in my own handwriting were the words, "You are Next"
Unable to speak or scream or even move I let the flashlight slip from my fingers to my lap, I wordlessly open my mouth in a scream of terror and pain and cover my face with my bloodied hands. I finally scream as loud as I can, "Leave me ALONE!!" I hear a bone chilling, merciless laugh from behind me, "I will never leave you alone... For what do you have if you lack me? Hmm? You are nothing, worthless in my eyes, only a form of cheap and lackluster entertainment that I can easily find elsewhere."
The words were spoken without feeling and without emotion but each syllable struck me with the weight and strength of a hundred men. I was worthless, the blood on my hands was from my own selfish need to feel some sensory feedback from my own body. This monster was destroying me from the inside, I had to get it out, I had to carve it out of my body, I couldn't let this thing fester and grow inside of me any longer. It had to be removed.
I reached for the knife laying where the flashlight had been, the monster sighed and moaned softly, "Now release me from this weak jail, release me and I shall end your misery. I will let you die, I will let you diminish, to pass out of this life and into a much better, much happier life... But only if you can get me out... Try your hardest..." The monster whispered his sedective and tantalizing lies into my ear, he made it feel like I could escape, that this was only a nightmare and through my tries to cut him out of my soul he would be gone forever... The pain would only last a moment, it would all be over soon, I knew how to get him out....
It burned I had never felt pain like this ever before, fresh blood mixed with the old as I threw the knife down at the feet of my tormentor. He just laughed at my pathetic whimpers as my skin crawled and seared. "You FOOL! There is no way to be rid of me!" He cackled and enjoyed my fresh waves of misery as they tainted the room red with blood. I gasped and tried to control myself, and unable to do it myself any longer I screamed, "Will ANYONE help me!? ANYONE?!!" I felt the very skin of my throat rip under the strained power of my cries for a Saviour to come down into my hell and battle this demon that possessed my heart and my mind through a mirror. "No one will save you, for you are worth nothing, you are not worthy to be loved by anyone, not worthy to be cared for, not worthy to be adored by anything, nevermind an actual human! What human could love a creature as despicable as you! You are more haggard and ugly than the most beaten down abused crone!! You are about as beautiful as a starved dog! No one wants to see your ribs! No one wants to be reminded that there is still SCUM like YOU in the gutters beside the streets! NO ONE WANTS YOU!!!" He screams in my face, spit burning my face. I let myself be picked up, then thrown back to the ground.
"She has worth to me. She is worth more than her weight in rubies. She is worth so much to me I come to fight for her... And I shall win for her soul. I died for her eterenal Salvation. BEGONE! I will burn you from her soul with the Holy Fires of Heaven above and banish you to the rotting flames of Hell below!!"
I couldn't see, but there was a pure, dull, empty-yet-filled ache in my heart. I opened my eyes, I saw pure gold all around me, and two gates each carved from a single pearl, "All of this I would give away, just to save you. Because I love you so much, I will never let you go..." The voice was soft, and I felt for the first time, that I was a part of something worthwhile.

Inspired by one of my friend's stories that gave me chills, I had to write something equally chilling.

OMGEE!!! Three Followers!!!!!!!! **GASP**

Yes! I am going to proudly geek out about this!!! I'm so happy that my friend Greg has joined Taylor and Thlayli! :) :) :) I'm so happy, love you three :D lol <3

Can't Get Out

If I try really hard, and push against the glass, I can almost feel the breeze.
If I strech out my hand, and ignore the pain, I can barely feel the rain.
If I try to open, a window or door, the pain becomes immense. If I try to run, whether fast or slow, I can never go past the yard.
If I could only be saved.


If I strech the limits of this thrice cursed place, I can smell the honeysuckle right past the gate.
If I try to save someone else, even for a moment, I can't breathe until I relinquish control.
If I tell another, they become like me.


Scared, Scarred, Angry, Pained, Fearful, Destroyed.


If only I could've known.

That first part was mine, then my friend Josh added to it;

 

If only I had seen it coming
It might not have trapped me so well
It might not have encaptured me
And left me to the devices of hell


...No one knows that I am all alone

If only
If only I could have known

Some More Drawings for your Viewing Pleasure

Just having some fun with the Graphite! (best thing since oil paints)

this is a bunny I drew for a collage idea :)



 



This was a stroke of genius that was inspired by the boy on the far left of the sketch, he wouldn't stop moving for the longest time and then all of a sudden he was completely absorbed in whatever he was sketching, hence the hunched over position.



We were working on "cut-outs" which are really hard if you don't focus

I thought of this after seeing The Phantom of the Opera





100 Reasons Why

I wish I had a reason why your friends and family always die.
I wish I had a reason why you feel alone every night.
I wish I could tell you something that helps take away the pain.
I wish I knew all the reasons why.

I could tell you that it's always darkest before the dawn, but then again, sometimes it's years before the sun hits your face.
I wish I knew why you feel so alone just when you really need someone.

I wish I had a reason why there's one relationship you just can't fix.
I wish I had a reason why you lost that friendship and can't get it back.
I wish I had a hundred reasons why these things happen, but I don't have a clue.
I only know as much as you.

Wishes

   If I had one wish, you know I'd wish for you, and I know, that if you had one, you'd wish for me too.
If I could choose my dreams, they'd always be of you, even though I'd have no need, cause I'd already have you.
   If I could go anywhere, I've always loved the beach, I'd stay until the sun rose, then I'd go to star-streaked skies, I'll bring you with me for you have yet to see, the rainbow at midnight or the silver moon rise.
   If there was a choice, between my life and yours, I'd leave my own, and let you live on. I'd rather be dead than see your life taken.
   Because there's a God, I know He reads this, and I know that he has a plan better than this. Because of my God, he chose to save me, and because of His love, I got to meet you.

A Rant

Hold my hand cause I'm holding hers,
With love like this we'll go round the world

Why do people always look at me and see "'petite' with a lot of energy"? Why can't they just see, Her parents are short, her Grandmother is short, so she was screwed from the beginning?? Why can't they see I got ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) from my dad and sometimes can't help my hyperactivity or my short attention span? Why can't they just be frank?

Why do people look at the child who's blind and pity them? No it's not bad or mean to pity them but there's no difference in how they act, they're just a kid. There's nothing I can do that they can't. (Yes even drive with some assistance) I don't see a difference except they have worse vision than I do.

How come everyone attaches Goth, Emo, Prep, Jock, Fat, Skinny, Immature, Mature, Smart, Stupid, Annoying, Interesting, Dull, Suck-up, Jerk, Nice, Mean, and all the other ones to people who are just that, people. I do it sometimes by accident, and I'm going to stop because I've been proven wrong a lot by doing that.

Anyone joining?

If's and But's

If I tried hard enough, could I stop time?
If I loved more, could I free the abandoned?
If I said what I really thought, would people trust me?
If I could find the right words, would I be good enough?


But what if I've done all that I can, I'm just all used up...
What if there's no other way, that this is all I've got?
But, why did I even try before? Why did I start?
Was there a better reason? A better chance?


If I've given all I have, and there's nothing left, should I give up?
If I leave it all behind, will I regret it?
If I could find the right words......

I know a lot of People apparently :)

So my madre (spanish for mother for all of those people that aren't bilingual) was either surfing the blogosphere or was texting her friend and I found out that my friend (whom I have not talked to since around Christmas of last year) is on here too! :) I attempted to send him some form of message but I couldn't so that's a bit depressing but oh well :) his site is pretty cool though if you know boat lingo haha :)

Lightning in My Blood

I see the lights, I hear the storm, I feel the rain and I want more.
I know there's more to come but when? I know. I can feel it in my veins!
Pulsing, throbbing, trying to break free! But no, not yet, there has to be more.


I see the warning signs; my hair dancing in the howling wind, my heart nearly glowing with the strain, my eyes, never closing, trying to see it all. But, I can't seem to stop moving forward. The first moment I saw the flash, I took it into me.


I know that I shouldn't be dancing with the lightning, or singing with the wind and thunder. I know that the rain is only water and that the lightning is only light. But I have them in my blood.


And Blood calls to Blood.

Commenting is Allowed

I have a feeling that all the people that live inside these lovely portable laptops do have keyboards and can therefore type what they think. On the other side of the fishbowl, not many people have looked at this, so please do spread this blog ip address around. Unless you weird me out then please don't...

With hearts from your chaotic artist! <3



I made this on my cellular!!



IF

I can't tell you why.
  I'll never be able to take your pain away.
I'm not there to help you or hold you
  But I should be.

  If I had the choice, every question would have an answer.
Every pain would end someday.
  You wouldn't be alone.

IF

I

COULD

CHOOSE

  You would never be alone

You would always have a hand to hold.

    A shoulder to cry on.

    Lips to kiss.

    Arms always open for an embrace.

You would be eternally happy.

          If

            I

             Only

               Had

                 The

                                             Choice.

More Drawings

Drawings AKA: What I live for!